Sometimes LIFE just gets in the way...

For anyone doing the 12wbt, you will know that part of the warm-up tasks in pre-season is to write down all the excuses that normally prevent you from eating/exercising/living healthy, and strategies for coping and getting past those hurdles when they inevitably arise.

My excuses are nothing too exciting - I'm too busy, too tired, not motivated, etc...
All excuses.  All things I can realistically overcome in order to live the healthy life I know I should.

But this last week - was a crisis week!

One of those weeks, where LIFE really and truly got in the way, tripped me up and then decided to stick the boot in whilst I was down.

It started on Tuesday.  I had been really good and busy on the weekend exercise-wise, so Monday was my rest day.  In hindsight, I should have JFDI because little was I to know that LIFE was about to jump out and completely sabotage everything in the next 48 hours.

Tuesday night our area had a huge storm - thunder, lightning, hail, the works. Our house flooded.  At one point, hubby was out the front in his wetsuit, literally digging trenches to try and avert the flood that was coming in the front door.  I was in our bedroom mopping buckets and buckets of water, which it turns out was coming in from the roof (which was supposedly replaced earlier in the year following similar weather, but now turns out not to Council regulations, or any kind of regulations!!).

Our house is habitable (now), but we have no flooring, and hope there is no more freak summer storms headed our way in the next month or so whist the insurance sorts it all out. 

So, needless to say, exercise for the rest of the week as a definite non-event (along with other things, such as this blog).

But sometimes these things happen.  Sometimes, LIFE needs to happen, if only to put things in perspective and remind you what is important, what is worth stressing about, what is within your control to change.

For me, the lesson I have learnt this week?  Excuses are exactly that - excuses.  These are the reasons why you do/don't do something, that are within your power and control.  The things you can change.  LIFE is a little more transcendent.  LIFE tends to take control for you, if only to remind you that you can't be 'in control' all the time, but also to appreciate the areas that you can control.  This week, I have learnt a little bit more how to 'roll with the punches', how to pick myself up from something outside my control and get back on the wagon. 

And I have and I did.  And on Sunday I ran my second triathlon for the year.  But that's a story for another time!!

Binge eating

Now, I am not going to go into the scientifics of binge eating, except to say that it is recognised in psychology fields as a legitimate eating disorder - and it doesn't necessarily have to involve a purge (as with bulimia).  What I mean to say is, non-purging bulimia (ie binge without the purge) is a recognised eating disorder that affects a lot of people.

Characteristics vary, but the main theme seems to be a binge session (which can be anything from turning a 'cheat/treat' meal into a day, to a full-out binge eating everything in sight), followed by feelings of guilt, self recrimination, promises to yourself to do better, promises to start again tomorrow.

The wonderfully motivating and inspiring VMFitness recently covered this very issue on her blog.  It goes into the science and psychology of it, along with her own personal journey and some personal tips on dealing with it.  I think the article and references is pretty good and comprehensive, so I won't go into the details here.

So why mention it?

I have been a binge eater.  It was one of the main reasons why I signed up for 12wbt in the first place - to work on my mindset.  My binges would primarily happen when my husband went to work, most often on the first day he was gone (definitely some emotional issues there).

The eating side of it would involve junk food, fast food, takeaway, larger than normal portions, things I knew I shouldn't be eating (ie cheese) - McDonalds, Hungry Jacks, pizza, nachos.
The behaviour side of it would involve feelings of guilt and major self recrimination - having seen the signs in a textbook I would even say bordering on depression.  Sometimes I would even cry whilst eating, knowing that what I was doing was so bad for me, but feeling out of control to stop.
Following the binge, I would hide the evidence so my husband wouldn't find out (or friends and family), promising myself that tomorrow would be better, promising myself that I would go to the gym tomorrow and work it off.

It is really hard to write this post, and even harder to publish it - probably because I am still in a bit of denial about telling other people what I used to do, and also because I still struggle with the urge to binge on a regular basis.  I am doing this so that others can know they are not alone, and hopefully gain some perspective and assistance to get help or help themselves.

I struggle everyday.  12wbt has taught me how to plan ahead - 'fail to plan, plan to fail' - is one of the more potent messages that I have learnt from the program.  And for me it is so true.  If I don't plan my meals, and my shopping, the urge to binge becomes almost overwhelming.  And I still struggle.  I won't say that I have perfected it - I have still had the odd binge, even in the last week.  These days I binge on more healthier food options but it is still a binge (ie larger portion sizes of my meals).

I am working every day to be the best version of me, to live by the ethos that 'my body is a temple' and should be treated as such.  I know that whenever you fall off the wagon you should pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and jump back on.

And I am doing that.

And each time, the length of time from when I last fell off gets a little bit longer and it gets a little bit easier to hang on and keep going.

I am a work in progress.

JFDI

I'm writing this as I sit on the train - heading home after a long day at work. It's 6.30pm here and I had scheduled my 12wbt workout for on the way home. Toning today - which I really need to do to try and gain some much needed muscle definition!!

It's hard. I really should have done it this morning as I struggle with motivation generally, but even more at the end of the day. I'm tired. My stomach is growling at me like a tiger. I have about a million excuses running through my head about why I should just go home and cook dinner and go to bed. I know in my heart of hearts that these are just excuses. I know that motivation is like a bad boyfriend - never there when you need it. I know I have to really flex my willpower muscle to succeed in this. And I know that ultimately I can do it.

But damn it's hard!

My husband (who works FIFO) flew out today and I always find the first day the hardest. Both in terms of eating healthy and exercising. The easy way out (takeaway and straight home to the couch) sounds so appealing right now!!

I know I should suck it up and JFDI. I know I should stick to my goals and my commitment to myself. I know I will feel better if I do my workout then cook a healthy meal, instead of the guilt and self recrimination if I don't.

But it's still hard.

The internal battle will rage until I'm in the car and parking at the gym. It won't really go away until I start the warm up and then it will flip into 'well I might as well carry on now'.

But it's still hard.

I will go to the gym.
I will do my workout.
I will try and burn as close to 500 calories as I can.
I will succeed.
I will JFDI.

[editors note: for anyone interested I did go to the gym.  And between you, me and the lampost - I kicked ass!! 355 calorie burn (not bad for a weights session) and then home to cook a healthy Thai Larb with turkey mince.  Feeling just a little bit proud of myself right now ;)]